A Talking To

Tonight Back Alley Sally made a comment to me that reminded me of where my priorities should be. Basically, she told me that the only thing holding me back is my attitude. I'm not trying hard enough. It's true. I push myself, but not as far as other people push me. In derby you have to push yourself harder than anyone else. This is my biggest challenge. 

To be honest, I have been hesitant lately. Coming back from New York, my husband and I have stopped using protection and are now trying to have a baby. This prospect has made me sort've put derby aside. And it's not like derby is, I dunno, a calling from the Lord or something, but I really love it, I really want to do it, and I keep putting other things first. You see, they are always justifiable things. "I'm getting married" or "We're trying to have kids." But the thing about derby is that if you really want it, you fit it in and around those things. And the girls become part of those life events. I have to let derby take me in, instead of pushing it back. 

I mean, who cares if I get pregnant? Really. I'll find out and then I'll stop. It's not like one practice is going to do any damage. I need to give'r like nothing is going to get in my way. And when I am knocked up I'm going to work out and come back ten times stronger than when I left. 

What can I do now to be a better rollergirl? For starters, I need to be at every practice--which is a challenge when I don't have a car. I rely on getting rides. But I have to try my hardest to be there. I need to practice more outside, at the park, at the local rink. I need to make a point of being more physical in my every day life. The two weak points I have physically are my quads and my cardio. More walks, and squats. Switch Hit Her suggests I climb stairs to kill those two birds with one stone. And I have to eat energy food that makes this machine run smooth--however, as a big proponent of HAES (Healthy At Every Size) I am not dieting. I don't care if I lose a pound. In fact, if I can keep my booty and get the strength and agility to move it around, I will be a lethal force. 

Why am I holding myself back? Am I scared of a real bout? Or am I scared of finally being one of the girls I look up to instead of just observing? 

Vansterdamn XXX